Tonight is our last night here in Calais and I am reflecting on a day of so much. So much learning, so many connections and conversations. So much.

The Little Things.

The little things 

Are the big things. 

A look

A smile

A thank you

To you 

For making me see 

A world beyond my small circle 

Of experience

Where the little things 

Seem like the big things. 

Tender.

A moment in time

Where you sat

And so delicately 

Trimmed those tender parts 

Beside your nails

In the Dunkirk sunshine.

Ahead of who knows what. 

Keep Looking.

If you feel you don’t fit

Keep looking

If your journey’s not done

Keep booking. 

One day you will find

Folk who,

Of the same mind,

Fill your cup

Lift you up

Keep you cooking. 

Inspired by @drlucykelly and @sarahphilpcoach recent podcast… Some of my thoughts on my own experience of perfectionism.

Perfectionism ≠ High Standards

I used to think perfectionism was just about having high standards, and most definitely didn’t apply to me as in many aspects of life I’m quite ‘slap dash.’ But after a series of sessions of CBT, it was suggested that I was showing traits of perfectionism. After months of therapy with an amazing therapist, I’ve realised it’s more about the self-imposed rules and routines I feel I must meet.

These rigid expectations can be suffocating, leading to stress and burnout rather than excellence. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Challenging the Rules: Not every standard I set is necessary. I’m learning to question which routines truly serve my goals. Often my own rules stem from no particular sensible reasoning but I like the familiarity and structure of the routine. I’m getting better at ‘noticing’ my thinking around this and realising when there might be little purpose served by a rule.
2. Embracing Flexibility: Life is unpredictable. Allowing for flexibility in my plans helps reduce anxiety and opens up new opportunities but is something which I find VERY challenging. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable has been a huge learning curve for me. CBT helps me to practise ‘breaking the rules’ safely to see how I cope, and almost always, thinking about the rule being broken, is worse than breaking the rule. Gavin Oates concept of ‘plot twist’ was really useful for this.
3. Prioritising Well-Being: Perfectionism often comes at the cost of my mental health. I’m working on prioritising self-care over meeting every self-imposed benchmark. I put pressure on myself to never let people down; if I’ve said I’ll do something I MUST do it; cancelling plans is something I find really hard because it’s already been programmed into my head as a rule. Sometimes I need to say no to protect myself and to allow myself space to rest and recover. This is in itself difficult because I then feel a sense of failure for not meeting the expectation negating any rest I require.
4. Celebrating Progress, Not Perfection: for quite a while I struggled because I’d had very limited experience of failure. Whilst this meant I did well at school, job interviews, art school etc I think this created self imposed pressure not to fail. Again learning, and experiencing things which don’t go according to plan has helped me to understand progress is what truly matters! The more I experience failure, the more I realise that it’s not always disastrous and instead provides some learning.
5. Building a Supportive Community: Sharing my struggles with others helps me realise I’m not alone in this journey. Together, we can break free from these constraints.

Perfectionism is about control, but I’m learning to let go and embrace the beautiful messiness of life!

Is it the same, being back?

Is there a sense of gain, or lack?

Comfort from being here

Last time round? 

Or loss of the novel

Of new sights and sounds?

Something of both 

It seems to me

With familiar comes comfort

But also I see

How comfort can lead 

To complacency

And from that

I pray

I will always stay free.

For I cannot accept this

I will not accept this

I must not accept this

And so

I listen 

And look

And write in my book 

Of the sights

And the sounds

That are here all around 

If we don’t look away

Or ignore what they say. 

But speak up for those with no voice.

Because we are the ones who have choice.